How to Sit Through Opera and Other WikigemsHumour
How to Sit Through Opera showed up first, containing wise gems like, "Take small candies or chewing gum to quietly chew or suck on. Somehow, having something sweet in your mouth helps to cope with a sour experience," or my favourite, "It's a chance to think about things that you haven't had time to focus on lately: gift lists for friends and family, solutions for that overflowing in-tray at work, and whether or not you should buy that new pair of what's-its you saw in the store window on the way to the theatre."
That lead to How to Sing Opera, on which I couldn't stop myself from clicking. It's full of advice that is just itching to be deconstructed: "Be sure to look for videotapes or DVDs as well as CDs. Seeing other singers' posture and faces will help you learn about the body language that is expected of an opera singer." Oh, and this: "If you do not know how to read music, you may need to learn, especially if you plan to sing professionally."
…which led to How to Sing Classically, whatever that means. Turns out, you "position your tongue high and develop a yawn-like feeling in your throat," and then you just have to "practice until you feel as though you've reached your full potential. A suggested amount is roughly one hour per week to begin with."
Bonus: How to Sing the Italian Art Song Sebben Crudele. Just click.